Growing Up Filipino-American
I’ve always been proud of my heritage.
Both my parents are first-generation immigrants and while growing up wasn't necessarily difficult, it was extremely confusing. I was born to a Filipino mother and a Finnish father, but I don't look like either. I can pass as white, but not as Filipino. I have no distinct accent and I went to American schools that did not have a lot of diversity. So where did I belong? The identity crisis for mixed-children is just so real. At surface level anyone looking at me just assumes I'm a typical white American girl due to my Finnish features. Yet, we had no American traditions in our household.
Christmas was always celebrated a day early so we could connect with both families in Finland and the Philippines. Not a meal went by without rice. And friends often found it strange to take their shoes off by the door. Growing up, this was all completely normal. However, introducing others to different cultures made it difficult to feel like I fully fit in with anyone or any group. I could have pretended that my background didn’t exist, but I was always happy to share my ethnicity with others in hopes that they would love these experiences as much as I did.
It was a struggle though. Any person who discovered my Asian background would proceed to mock me with stereotypical dialect and rude assumptions. Ignorance changes a person’s perspective and if I had never opened up about my Filipino roots no one would have made a peep. Some friends thought it was okay to participate in the stereotypes just because we were friends so it meant it was a “joke.” Being Asian is not a joke.
At times it could be hard to relate to anyone at all. Even my sister would make fun of me for being a white girl, which was just weird since we have the same parents. But, her own features have more Asian characteristics so we don’t exactly look similar. She was able to relate to more groups and clubs in highschool a lot better, which just left me frustrated.
I’m also naturally very shy, but I desperately tried to make friends with those who would accept me. During a beauty pageant for Miss Fil-Am the only other girl I befriended was also noticeably half-white. All the other girls looked Filipino. And while there's nothing wrong with that, I never understood why they kept their distance. Maybe it was the competitive spirit, but we all had the chance to relate to one another especially because we were all similar in age.
I just didn’t know where I belonged. Wanting to be accepted is only natural, but it just felt like I was never enough no matter who I was friends with. It almost became ingrained in my mind to tell others I wasn’t educated enough about either culture so I couldn’t be fully accepted.
Even though I felt like I didn’t fit in, that never diminished my pride for being Filipino. It helped shape me into the person I am today.
As cliché as it sounds, actions really do speak louder than words. My mother basically raised me on her own and had a huge influence on my values. Without even needing to speak a word, the biggest lessons my mother ever showed me was a genuine love for hospitality and giving back to others.
Filipino hospitality goes way beyond a friendly hello or a warm welcome into their home. It doesn’t matter where you come from or what you look like, if you are welcomed, then you are family. It goes beyond the typical gesture of offering food or drinks. I’ve had friends kicked out of their homes, friends who need a place to stay at night, male or female, our home was open to them. My dad would always ask why I brought “strays” home and my mom would scold him until he stopped complaining. My best friends became my sisters— sharing a bedroom, driving to school together, eating dinner every night as a family.
My mother never treated my “stray” friends any different. They weren’t a charity project, she didn’t pity them, or treat them any special. One of my friends even did chores with me when she lived with us. And when we fought, my mom tried her best to help us make up.
The second biggest lesson I was shown was to always give back when you can. Whenever I outgrew my clothes or didn’t feel like something fit my style anymore, we would save it in a box to send over to family in the Philippines. Still something we do to this day, although a lot less frequent now that I don’t live with her. Instead, I tend to hoard unwanted clothing in order to drop off at a local donation box whenever my pile gets big enough. I don’t really like to talk about how I give back as I feel it to be a bit boastful and ingenuine if you have to list off the things you do for others. But, I am grateful to my mother for instilling kindness and love towards others.
Looking back, I realized that it wasn't necessarily that I didn't belong and moreso the fact that a lot of people in the area had not been exposed to different cultures before. We would have to drive about an hour out of town just to find a grocery store that sold Asian foods and other products. Without the knowledge of diversity, children can be quite hostile when approached with new experiences. And as much as it confused me, it didn't mean that there was something wrong with me.
There’s so much misinformation and discrimination towards Asian cultures. I knew my mother was Asian, but I never considered her as “My Asian Mother.” She was just Mom. She had her quirks and I learned about our differences growing up. I loved hearing stories about her life in the Philippines and about all my other family members. It opened me up to developing an interest in listening to other’s life stories. And ignoring hurtful (and just plain dumb) comments about my culture.
At the end of the day, we are all human. I could write pages about the different foods we ate that seemed strange to my childhood friends or why we did things a certain way around the house. But that is only one aspect of growing up with a Filipino parent. I was shown to appreciate, but look beyond what I could see in front of my eyes. Regardless of how you look or where you come from you are worthy of being treated fairly.
Of course there will always be negatives along with the positives in life. You don’t have to get along with everyone, but appearances should not be the determining factor of how you treat another person. It’s so much easier to lead with kindness and understanding than with hatred.
SHOP THE LOOK
Modern Filipiniana Embroidered Kimona
Traditional baro't saya attire had puff sleeve blouses that were meant to represent angel wings or bells.
Peony Print Skirt
Traditional baro't saya attire also consisted of full-length skirts beginning at the waist. I just liked the print on this skirt to pair with the top!
Bamboo Basket Tray
Woven trays are crafted for various purposes such as presenting food, transportation, farming, storage and more!